Oh god....

I'm undergoing a complete lack of inspiration. I'm usually arty and creative, but today realised despite having been out of work for the past 6 months (when I could have been painting and drawing and creating) I have hardly done anything creative. When I realised that it was a good month since I had painted or drawn anything I got a sick feeling in my stomach, and desperately wanted something to inspire me, but I just can't find anything that makes me feel like being creative.
Have I neglected this part of me so much that it won't come back into existence? Or can I coax it back out...I just tried to make some sort of sculpture using wire, but I don't really know what it is I'm aiming for. In fact that's how I feel about my whole life at the moment. Everyone I know seems to be heading somewhere, and I feel completely stuck in the mud, not even sure if I want to live here or what the next step is.
I know that I veer from one extreme to the other, one day I make lists of things to do and feel happy that I'm taking control of something, then the next day I don't do anything on my lists and feel desperately weighty from the guilt of not doing anything for this long. I really need some sort of project to do, something to work towards, but without the structure of education I don't know what this should be.
Am I depressed? I think so, is this what happens when you're depressed? Half the time you feel helpless and drowning, and half the time you feel manically on top of things, but really you're just kidding yourself by making useless lists and categorizing your life to escape the feeling of helplessness.
I get the feeling I want to be out of the country, but is this just me wanting to run away from my problems, which I have come to realise will follow me wherever I go, because they are part of me. The problems I created in my previous relationship by being too needy and irritable haunt me now in my new relationship. I get to a point in a relationship and I question why I feel unhappy, but I don't think its the relationship, it's me. All me.
I'm in desperate need of some help, but without Mum I don't know who to talk to. Nobody else understands how I feel inside.